Lauren provides family mediation in the areas of divorce, domestic partnership dissolution, prenuptial/postnuptial agreements, domestic partnership agreements, post-divorce/decree modification issues, parent-teen, adoption, grandparent and third party visitation, and eldercare. Please see Family Mediation by Type for more information.

Mediation is voluntary and confidential. The mediator assists people who are in conflict in identifying the issues to be discussed, clarifying common and disparate needs and interests, and in negotiating mutually satisfactory agreements.  Unlike the adversarial process (using attorney-assisted negotiation or going to trial), participation in mediation is chosen voluntarily by the parties, who can opt out at any time.  Mediation helps parties to a conflict to learn about and consider the options available to them for the resolution of their dispute.  Also, mediation communications are protected as confidential under Oregon state law, rather than being part of the public record.  For many people, privacy is especially important in family matters.

Mediation preserves relationships between the parties in dispute.  When people work against each other, advancing only their own individual interests, relationships tend to break down.  When people work with one another to reach agreements that are mutually acceptable, relationships improve.  Mediation helps parties improve their perception of the other person.  An important longitudinal study by researcher Robert Emery, PhD., has shown that parents who participated in mediation rated the other parent higher in every one of 10 parenting skills than did parents who used the adversarial system (attorney-assisted negotiation or going to court).

Mediation preserves relationships between parents and children.  When people design their own agreements, they are more likely to create parenting plans that they stick to, increasing the likelihood that children will maintain connection with both of their parents.  In Robert Emery's study on divorce mediation, parents who mediated their agreements had more frequent in-person and telephone contact with their children 12 years after the divorce or separation than did parents who had their parenting plans negotiated by attorneys or ordered after a custody hearing in court.

Mediation improves compliance and consistency. Mediated agreements are often more detailed and thorough than agreements arrived at through other methods.  When parties are clear about what will happen next and what is expected of them, they are more likely to follow through, and have fewer disputes arise later due to vague terms or unclear expectations.  Such consistency and predictability is good for disputants and for their children, and helps rebuild trust between the parties.

Decisions remain in the hands of the parties.  Participants in mediation hold the decision-making authority, including decisions regarding the process as well as the final agreements.  The mediator is impartial; she does not take sides, make judgments, or make decisions for the participants.  Instead, as the mediator, Lauren will provide information and education to help parties identify the range of options and make informed, mutually acceptable decisions.

Mediation models healthy conflict resolution for children and for the community.   People in conflict often feel despairing and have little hope for positive resolution.  Parents rightly are concerned about the impact of family conflict on their chidlren.  Mediation offers an opportunity for parties to learn to handle conflict differently, to understand and ask clearly for what they need, to hear and understand another person's needs, and to find solutions that work for everyone.  The mediator helps you not only find solutions to your current dispute, but to build skills to help you resolve interpersonal disputes in the future.  Show your children, your neighbors, your coworkers that there is a healthy way to resolve conflict.

A summary of more than 50 studies on divorce mediation supporting the above assertions is available here.  

Mediation FAQ 

We can't agree on anything - can mediation work for us?  Mediation is often especially helpful for people who believe they cannot talk to or agree with the other party at all.  Mediators are trained to create the space and structure the conversations to help each person organize their thoughts, state their needs and interests, and hear the other person's needs and interests.  The mediator can often see where parties are "stuck" in their communication with each other, and help parties move past that point to understanding and resolution.

How does mediation work?  Mediation often begins with a telephone call in which a person asks basic information about the mediation process. If a party wishes, he or she can make an in-person appointment during which the mediator will explain more about the process and the rules that guide it including confidentiality, the impartiality of the mediator.  You will also be given an opportunity to describe your relationship with the other party, the current dispute, what you are hoping to acheive through mediation, and your understanding of the other party's needs and desires.  You will also be asked to describe where you and the other party get "stuck" in your negotiations, and any specific needs you have regarding the process of mediaiton.  If at that point you wish to proceed to mediation, you will be asked to complete some documents including the Intake Form, Agreement to Mediate, and Confidentiality Form.  Parties may begin mediation either individually or jointly.  If you have come in on your own, the mediator will send a letter to the other party inviting him or her to come in for an individual session.  Then, in one or more sessions, the mediator will assist the parties in outlining their needs and interests, making and considering proposals, and drafting agreements.

How do I choose a mediator? The selection of your mediator is a very important one.  Much like hiring any other service professional to assist you, Lauren encourages you to do your homework, review and consider several mediators.  You can search for mediators in Oregon on the Oregon Mediation Association site, selecting for subject matter, geographical location, and languages spoken.  You can read the article "Five Steps to Choosing a Qualified Mediator." It can be helpful in your search to consider such factors as educational background, prior experience, subject matter expertise, and professional reputation, as well as office location and costs.  Finally, it is important to consider the intangible of finding the right "fit" with a mediator, so that each party feels comfortable with and that they can trust the mediator and the mediation process.  To assist parties in their process of interviewing and selecting a mediator, Lauren offers the option of an initial 1/2 hour consultation at no charge.

How much does mediation cost?  Mediation services are charged on an hourly basis.  Fees vary by type of mediation.  Reduced fees and payment arrangements are negotiable.

    Just shopping around? The intial, half-hour consultation is offered at no charge.     

    More sure you'd like to go forward? Alternatively, you may schedule an initial, one hour (individual) or 1 1/2 hour (joint) in-person consultation at half price.

How long will it take? The length of mediation varies depending on the number and complexity of the issues in question, the ability of the parties to use the process effectively.  Mediation typically proceeds more quickly when parties have more information at their disposal prior to beginning sessions.  

There has been abuse in our relationship – can we still mediate? Often at the point of seeking mediation, the relationship between the parties has deteriorated significantly and abuse may have occurred.  The mediator will interview each party, asking questions about the history of the relationship and abuse that has occurred.  Together with each party, the mediator will help you determine whether mediation is appropriate in your case, and if so, to design any procedural or structural adaptations you may need to allow mediation to proceed more safety. 

Can my attorney participate?  Parties who are represented by attorneys may have that person attend mediation, as long as all parties to the mediation consent.  The attorney is not considered a "party" to the mediation, but rather as a consultant to one of the parties.  Often, attorneys will bill the parties separately for their time - the fees paid for mediation do not include attorney time.  Some parties choose to arrange with their attorneys to be available by phone for consultation during a mediation session rather than attending personally.  Other parties confer with their attorneys separate from the mediation process.

I don't have an attorney - do I need one? The mediator will encourage each party to seek legal advice regarding their own, separate rights and obligations. The mediator must remain impartial; she can provide both parties general legal information, but does not provide legal advice or legal representation. It can be especially helpful to have an attorney review any final agreements with respect to the needs of each individual. Many parties choose to represent themselves in legal proceedings; this is permissable under the law.

What happens at the end? When parties have reached final agreements, the mediator will prepare a draft written Mediated Agreement for review.  Parties have an opportunity to review the document and will each be encouraged to have separate attorneys review the document.  Once all parties have approved the final document, the mediator will prepare a final Mediated Agreement, which can be incorporated into a court order at the election of the parties.